


The Bro Code – Amended for Superheroes

by kaitlia777



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-30
Updated: 2012-01-30
Packaged: 2017-10-30 08:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/329736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlia777/pseuds/kaitlia777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: After Tony gets in an argument with one of the girls in the Avengers mansion, and the rest of them gang up on him, he decides the guys there need to stick together too. So he writes the Bro Code.</p><p>Yes, the Bro code from HIMYM</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bro Code – Amended for Superheroes

“Well,” Pepper Potts said, cocking her head to the side and considering the door before her, on which a hand lettered sign reading ‘No Girls Allowed’ hung. “I think I know where Tony is.”

Beside her Natasha Romanoff sniffed and Jane Foster chuckled. Darcy Lewis cracked her knuckles and said, “Let’s see what they don’t want us to see.”

Reaching out, Pepper pushed open the door and peered into the small den, sequestered in a remote corner of the Avengers tower. What she saw…didn’t honestly surprise her.

Tony was passed out and drooling on his laptop. Clint was sleeping on the floor, head pillowed on a stuffed turtle. Bruce was curled up in a chair, headphones on, snoring slightly. Steve and Thor were sitting on the couch, watching CNN and eating donuts.

“Good morning, Jane, Darcy, Natasha, Pepper,” Thor said in that loud way of his. “Come join us as we eat and learn of current events of the realm.”

Clint grunted and rolled over, which was more of a reaction than they got from Tony or Bruce. Steve greeted them far more quietly, casting slightly abashed looks at his slumbering teammates. “I think they might be feeling a bit under the weather,” he said by way of explanation for their log impressions.

“You mean they tied one or a dozen on last night and are too hung over to blink?” Darcy asked bluntly, plopping onto the couch and accepting an offered donut.

When Steve shrugged and nodded, Pepper brandished a stack of papers. “Well, that would explain this.”

Thor and Steve peered at her with puzzled blue eyes and she continued, “It was in Tony’s printer tray this morning. He must have sent it there from his laptop last night.”

“Read it,” Natasha encouraged and with flourish, Pepper began to read from the document.

 

The Avengers Bro Code

1)Bros before hoes. The bond between two men is stronger than that between a man and a woman because on an average, men are stronger than women. That’s just science…unless, of course, the woman in question has super strength, but the point still stands.

2) A bro is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his bros are all doing it. For example... If only one Avenger were to get drunk and borrow the police horses from Central Park, people would have been like "Dude, come on!!". The license to be stupid is why we have bros in the first place. 

3) If a bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full grown. Corollary to this states, naming a lap-dog after a pro-wrestler or a character from a Steve McLain movie does not absolve a bro from this article. Corollary the second: Naming a lap-dog after Nick Fury…fuck, if you do that the dog can weight 3lbs, you will still rule.

4) A bro never divulges the existence of the bro code to a woman. It is a sacred document not to be shared with chicks for any reason. 

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologize: it was never my intention for this to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is a piece of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! I mean, look at Thor! He’s literally from another realm. Clearly, no real person would actually believe or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub. 

Please don’t kill me Pepper…or Natasha...

5) Whether he cares about sports or not, a bro cares about sports. Even Bruce likes water polo.

6) A bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other bros in a gym locker room. Corollary to this states, if a bro gets naked in the locker room, all other bros shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If a towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes. 

7) A bro never mocks another bro for hooking up with a sexy female supervillain. It happens to everyone once in a while and should be considered par for the course. 

8) A bro never admits he can’t drive stick even after an accident. A Bro will look someone in the eye and say, “No clue how that happened,” referring to the fact that his car is now in a duck pond.

9) Should a bro lose a body part due to a lab accident or during battle, his fellow bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimme three" or "Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!" It’s still a hi-five and that bro still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course. 

10) A bro will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his bro dump a chick. It’s normal for a bro to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For good reason, he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a bro most needs his bro to remind him that there are plenty of chicks in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming. How to dump an chick in 6 words or less... 

\- “Maybe try a side salad instead." 

\- “Cute!! You ‘re growing a moustache too!!" 

\- “She looks like a younger you!!" 

\- “I will finance a boob job." 

\- “Sorry I threw your shoes out." 

\- “Your sister let me do that!!" 

\- “I’m joining another team of heroes.”

\- “Remember, spandex is a privilege.”

 

11) A bro may ask another bro to help him move. But only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the bro has vastly underestimated, his bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are or vaporize the with their new particle weapon. 

12) Bros do not share dessert. This is a warning more than a rule. Seriously, taking food off of Thor, Steve or Clint’s plate is risking a loss of fingers.

13) All bros shall dub one of their bros his wingman. This applies to the club scene as well as the battle field. Both are dangerous and potentially deadly.

14) If a chick enquires about another bros’ sexual history, a bro shall honor the Br-ode of silence and play dumb. Better to have women think that all men are stupid than to tell the truth. If possible, employ Steve’s trick of blushing as soon as sex is mentioned. This charms and disarms women so much that they stop asking.

15) A bro should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super bowl, World series and Play Mate of the year. 

16) A bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are equal to or beneath him on the pyramid of screaming. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder and the tradition has been screamed to generation from generation. But you just can’t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you or laterally. Though, in our line of work, our equals scream back and underlings plot creative revenge….

17) It is a bro’s duty to try to get his bros drunk. Even if they are godlike beings or super soldiers with enhanced metabolisms. 

18) A bro shall not sleep with another bro’s sister. However, a bro shall not get angry if another bro says "Dude, your sister’s hot!!" (Unless you’re Pietro, but that’s another can of worms). Corollary, it is probably better for everyone if bros just hide pictures of their sisters when other bros are coming over. When in doubt refer to the check list for bro-proofing your home. 

Bro Code Checklist

1\. Hide all pictures of hot sisters, moms, and first cousins. Also, those of hot, female, alternative universe versions of yourself. That gets weird real fast.

2\. Open liquor bottles and dust the bar area to give the impression you actually use it. (Yes, Steve, this rule is for you).

3\. As a courtesy, move printed porn from the bedroom to the bathroom.

4\. Scan DVR playlist and remove embarrassing television programs like daytime talk shows and True Hollywood Stories that relate to your team mates.

5\. Open all windows. Especially if there have been recent lab explosions or you work up a sweat a lot.

6\. Display all remote controls on the coffee table, regardless of functionality…even better if they don’t work. That confuses the hell out of Steve.

7\. Disconnect answering machine or...

8\. Call Coulson an hour before your Bros arrive.

9\. Coasters, coasters, coasters!

10\. Sign out of e-mail account.

11\. Usher girlfriend/booty call off the premises. Unless girlfriend/booty call is a team mate. Then she/he will find out about the gathering and be pissed she wasn’t invited and there will be no sex.

19) A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday. Need proof of that, take a look at Steve.

20) There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro. Women make excellent bros because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the chick code (Chick do have the chick code!!). Darcy is a bro.

21) When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women's athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs. Exception: There is a woman present who will hurt a Bro if he stops.

22) When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped. (Included for the edification of Thor, who is from another realm, Steve, who missed out on years of cultural knowledge like this, and Bruce…cuz he doesn’t emerge from his lab often enough to know this shit).

23) A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girl’s name. The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days. The relationship between man and his skin lasts a life time and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has. 

24) Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip. Seriously, why do we still bother with cell phones? I’ve built far more practical models….

25) A Bro never casually removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach. Corollary, a bro with a coat of fur on his back, keeps that thing covered at all times even at resort, pool or beach. Exempt from this rule: Hank McCoy, for obvious reasons.

26) A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a fight between two fellow human beings, mutants or aliens of the female variety (In our circle, this is an awesome and deadly sight to behold). If an informed bro is unable to witness the fight first hand, a spotter bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of girl fight via pictures, video or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime. 

27) A Bro doesn't comparison shop. We get in, we grab what we need and we leave. Do not let Steve get his hands on coupons. His Depression Era sensibilities make him want to clip them and it’s our duty to save him from himself.

28) When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know. 

29) A Bro doesn't allow another Bro to get married until he's at least thirty. 

30) When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to basketball toss his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional. 

31) Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Three-way. Unless there are other issues involved….

32) A Bro never rents a chick flick. 

33) DD: When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts. 

34) A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they're not that heavy and considering the fact that we know women who could rip the door off its hinges and use it as a weapon….

35) Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin. Even our enemies are in agreement on this. Crotches are off limits.

36) Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party." All laws of state and common decency will be broken at said party.

37) A Bro never cries. Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend retire (only first time he retires) or the death of a comrade in arms.

38) Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace. Exceptions – One Bro has returned from the dead.

39) A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro. Exceptions – If the Bros are within 7 degrees latitude of the equator. Better to apply sunblock quickly and quietly than to have to deal with the aloe related groans of relief.

40) A Bro never wears jeans, kevlar or leather to a strip club. Reasons – a) Cloth pockets are roomier and elastic allowing for a thicker wad of cash. b) Denim clashes with the club’s leopard, zebra or other safari animal motif. c) One word, two syllables, three hours in the ER – Zipper. d) It’s a performance and deserves respect. e) You don’t feel it as much on your… you know what… Corollary: No, you may not wear a Hazmat suit.

41) A Bro must possess an unusually high sense of self confidence to wear pink. 

42) A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged. Corollary – A bro also never reveals how many chicks another Bro has banged. This is so as not to piss off the scary women in our lives.

43) When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I got it," whether or not he's actually got it. Exceptions – Carrying an expensive TV, parallel parking an expensive car and loading an expensive TV on to an expensive car. Employing professional help for such tasks is recommended.

44) If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened. 

45) A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down. Think of it as interpersonal recon.

46) A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Paddy's Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year's Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13th) and any day after we’ve prevented the destruction of Earth.

47) A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, this is what those expense accounts I set up are for. 

48) If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows. 

49) In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two Bros has dibs. If they're the same height, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo* shall determine dibs, provided the chick is still there. *Rock, paper, scissors for Bros. 

50) A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros. Exception - A Bro is off the hook if a Bro orders a drink with an umbrella in it. 

51) If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed. 

52) Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool. 

53) If a Bro be on hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or, if necessary, generating a realistic fear that the end of the world is imminent. Exception - Dry spell trumps hot streak. Duh. 

54) A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being. If it’s important, the Bro will bring it up.

55) As a courtesy to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party. Three Bros are cool - Three amigos, Three musketeers, The police, Apollo 13 Astronauts and the Three stooges. Four Bros are lame – Mount Rushmore, The Fantastic Four (Yeah, I’m talking to you, Richards, you douche!), The Monkeys and Michael Jordan’s team mates. 

56) A Bro never spell-checks. 

57) At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car in front of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again. 

58) A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick. Chicks like to stretch the truth about their age, promiscuity and sometimes, with the help of extensive make-up and structural lingerie, even their body shape. As such, it is a fair game for Bros to exaggerate reality when asked about their Bro-fession. 

59) If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic Barry White-esque tone. 

60) Bros don't cuddle. THOR, THIS RULE IS FOR YOU!

61) A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. To commemorate and solidify the unbreakable bond between the Bro and his wingman, it is recommended that before going out, each face the other, place his left hand on the Bro code, raise his right hand, and recite the wingman pledge. 

62) A bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle (engaging in a threesome), short of completing the tricycle himself, unless Bros are into that. The total age of all the three should be less than 83.

63) A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros. We know enough to look so we don’t fall on.

64) If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologize to make amends. That's inhuman. 

65) A Bro shall, at all costs, honor the Platinum Rule: Never, ever, ever, ever " love" thy neighbor. In particular, a Bro shall never mix it up romantically with a co-worker. …HAHAHAHA, yeah right! GOTCHA!

66) Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. Corollary – Also the Shawshank Redemption, Top Gun, first half of Full Metal Jacket. 

67) If a Bro buys or builds a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros. Corollary – His Bros are required to whistle, even if they don’t know what they are whistling at. 

68) When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her. Sometimes though, the hot is worth the crazy. Just remember to tell a responsible Bro your plans before heading out, so he’ll know something’s up if she goes full on Crazy and locks you in her basement.

69) A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager, monitored in a lab, cuz that’s how we roll.

70) If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, plane or body armor, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would. 

71) A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro. 

72) If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname. Same goes for code name. Pick one and stick with it.

73) A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance. Remember, Fury gets pissed when stalkers loiter in the lobby.

74) A Bro shall alert another Bro to the presence of a chesty woman regardless of whether or not he knows the Bro. Such alerts may not be administered verbally. (The shoes tap, The eye redirect, The swift shin kick *D cups and up only, please*) 

75) A Bro never lies to his Bros about the hotness of chicks at a given social venue or event. 

76) When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection. Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look. 

77) If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave and beyond if the Bro discovers there is indeed life after death. This is what makes them Bros, not chicks. We do not feel the need to share. In fact, we prefer not to.

78) A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgear plan and sticks with it. Really, do we even need to say this.

79) Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro always selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night. Gotta love that our bar has started keeping tankards behind the bar for us.

80) If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages. Unless it’s my email, cuz I will track you fuckers down and end you.

81) A Bro doesn't sing along to music in a bar. Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke. Exception to exception: No chick songs. 

82) A Bro abides by the accepted age-difference formula when pursuing a young chick   
Acceptable age difference formula: Chick's age = (Guy's age divided by 2) + 7. This does not apply to immortals, individuals who have been caught in a time dilation field or time travelers. 

83) A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros. This also goes for the sauna at HQ.

84) A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel or shoot Nerf arrows at the cable box until something happens. Corollary – It is fully expected that a Bro will try anything to gain possession of the remote upto and including an attempt to flatulate his Bro out of the room, Hulking out or boring people into fleeing with stories of Depression Era New York.

85) When a Bro is with his Bros, he is not a vegetarian. If a Bro is a vegan, he is not a Bro and must turn in his Bro-card and balls, STAT.

86) Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope. Corollary – If a Bro experiences a catastrophic wipeout, he can always blame his bindings or the conditions. This also goes for testing new armor and weapons. Go big or go home, Bitches!

87) A Bro is always psyched. Always. 

88) If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro Train, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke. 

89) A Bro will always help another Bro reconstruct the events from the previous night, unless those events entail hooking up with an ugly chick or the Bro repeatedly saying "I love you, man" to Fury. If that happens, there will be recorded evidence in everyone’s inbox by morning.

90) A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its preferred that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally. Exception: Stark Industries paraphanalia.

91) If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of lawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him. C’mon, by now we all know that Bruce and I will have repurposed whatever it was, Thor will have broken it and Clint…Dude, I don’t know, things go into his apartment and never come out.

92) If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with, whether it got totaled and if the collision was intentional or possibly the plot of an unimaginative new super villain before asking if his Bro is okay. 

93) While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives. Be prepared for much mocking if you cannot change a tire.

94) A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro. Exception – Pull my finger.

95) A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman. Darcy excels at this and Natasha will do, but she tends to scare off more chicks than is generally wanted.

96) If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copilot: (a) foot race to the car, (b) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (c) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death. Exception: Steve gets shotgun when I’m in the suit. Just deal with it.

97) When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a disinterested "It was okay". A Bro can never bring a camera back from a bachelor party. The only memento a Bro is allowed to bring back is something that can be destroyed by penicillin. Corollary: NO asking why a woman would want to wear high heels that light up (Steve!). This lets women know strippers were involved ant they will become irrationally angry.

98) When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros. Basically, buy out the 3 pizza shops closest to your place…and have delivery waiting on standby.

99) A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin. Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy. Still, a sympathy cringe is required.

100) Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro". I know, the songs and dancing are ‘neat!’, but no

101) A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law). If said date attempts to kill bro, then clearly he was right.

102) A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code. 

103) A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face. WARNING: DO NOT COLOR ON BRUCE’S FACE. He does not react well.

104) When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers or grasping his Bro's hand. Save that for the near death shit.

105) A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion. But seriously, it’s 2011. Your phones have text and email built in. Reply, if only to say, “Fuck off, Dick Weasel, I’m busy.”

106) If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back. Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with Fury.

107) A Bro doesn't listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time. Chick music should be carefully hidden in your iPod, or it will be found and you will be mocked. Enya, Bruce?

108) A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars.

109) No sex with you Bro's ex. It is never ever permissible for a Bro to sleep with his Bro’s ex. Violating this code is worse than killing a Bro. Exception: Both Bro and Bro’s ex are involved in superheroing. Way too much cross banging going on for anyone to get uppity.

110) Should a Bro find himself bodyswapped with a Bro, only basic hygiene and bodily function touching or looking is allowed. If a Bro is bodyswapped with a woman…He has to look….

 

As she finished reading, she saw that Thor looked amused and Steve exasperated. “That probably explains the manic giggling as he typed last night,” Steve finally said, peering over at Tony, then blinking at Pepper in alarm. “Uh, is the drool going to hurt the computer? Because everyone tells me not to get the electronics wet.”

“It’s fine,” Pepper said, reaching out and patting Steve on the shoulder. “Tony learned to waterproof his gadgets a long time ago.”

With a nod, Steve turned back to the talking head on the news channel. For the moment, all was calm.

Pepper decided she could wait a while to torture Tony over this Bro-Code of his. Settling herself onto an empty spot on the couch, she said, “Pass me a jelly donut.”


End file.
